I will never look like my Ma anyday.
I thought this one day,
Standing in front of the mirror
And watching the light in my eyes
When I visit home she says,
You don’t look like my daughter for at least two days,
You forget how you used to behave.
And I feel, I’ll never be like my Ma anyday.
So, on the night of the second day
I lay in bed wide awake.
Staring into the darkness spread everywhere
Reflecting on what lies underneath this bitch face.
The deafening silence
The silent screams
The sinking of heart
And the tears flowing down in streams.
All this, when next to me
She lies asleep unfazed.
I know in that moment
I’ll never be like my Ma anyday.
Curled up like an embryo
I want to start again.
I will not screw up this time, I promise, I swear!
But this can’t happen and I’m very well aware.
And I know, I will not look like my Ma anyday.
With swollen eyes, red nose and a headache
I turn to the wall & towards sleep, I sway.
I open my eyes with her melodious voice ringing in my ears
And there she stands
Simple, beautiful and looking like the goddess that she is.
She comes to me and gives me a kiss,
And I swear to God, it heals.
That loving touch and caring gaze
Makes me wonder, Hey!
I might look like my Ma someday.
So that day when I bath,
I wash all my baggage away.
As each drop trickles down my body
It feels slightly lighter in weight
And I think again
Maybe, just maybe, I can look like my Ma someday.
She doesn’t know my plight, my fears and fights
But she can read it in my eyes
That something is definitely not right.
That’s the best thing about my Ma
She doesn’t pester but gives me my space
And that makes me feel I can be like her someday.
But she’s growing old with every passing day.
With the lines deepening on her hands and face
I see clearly now as I’ve lifted my veil
I’ve to be stronger
If I want to look like my Ma someday.
So I pick up my pieces, one by one, each day
Carefully holding and caressing I put them back in their place
And I plan to continue doing just that, Everyday
Because I want to, and I know I will
Look like my Ma, one fine day!